Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
