Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
