She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
