If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
