alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
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my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
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You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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