Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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