Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Duck Duck Cougar?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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