hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
