I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
