I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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