I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
