oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
