Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
you win again, gameday.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
