You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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