she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
