why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
