You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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