Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
