It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
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I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
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That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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