TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
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