That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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