I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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