Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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