You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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