I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
