I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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