i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
