pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
