I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Is it because I queefed?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
im holly from the hills drunk
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
