Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
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