no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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