do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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