So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
