I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
