i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
