If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
