she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Randomize
