Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
