i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
