"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
