I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
