Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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