your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
