Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Randomize
