dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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