My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
