I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
