yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
