I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
