Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
