I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
you have to choose: penises or morals?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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