I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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