Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
