Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Randomize
