dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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