No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
