I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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