I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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