hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
