Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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