Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
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My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
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so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Don't tell me you're on acid again
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
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