So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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