words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
