No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
