So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
