I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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