But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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