So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Randomize
