the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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