My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i think i have herpe
just one?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
