I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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